Professional Punting

“I tried to catch fog the other day, but mist..”

Why did the scarecrow get a raise? Because he was outstanding in his field.

“You stole my Microsoft Word?! You’ll pay, I tell you! You have my Word!”

“Did you hear about the kidnapping at school?!” “Oh, it’s okay. He woke up.”

“I know a guy who’s addicted to break fluid, but he says he can stop anytime.”

How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

“I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me..”

“I’m reading a book about anti-gravity! I can’t put it down.”

“I saw a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.”

“At first they thought my blood type was Type A, but it was a typo.”

“The girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’ve never met herbivore.”

“The class trip to the Coca-Cola Factory was awesome! I just hope there’s no pop quiz.”

The Energizer Bunny was arrested: charged for battery..

“At first I didn’t like my beard, but then it grew on me.”

What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

What does a clock do when it’s hungry? It goes back four seconds.

“I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, and then it hit me..”

Broken pencils are pointless.

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

“Sir, it’s the Pentagon..” “The Pentagon?! What is it?!” “It’s a shape with five sides and five angles, but that’s not important right now!”

“Ma’am, it’s the hospital..” “The hospital?! What is it?!” “It’s a place where they put sick people, but that’s not important right now!”

Why are fish bad tennis players? They don’t like getting close to the net.


The mountaineer that climbs the heights

Must always face a test:
To reach for a rock and slip,
And fall down from the crest.

And staring up from down below,

The mountaineer must choose:
Dare the mountaineer give up?
Or to defeat refuse?

For down below the second time

Defines the mountaineer.
How the mountaineer goes on
Reveals the true heart clear.

And staring up from down below,

The mountaineer holds fast.
The mountaineer presses on.
The past is but the past.

So taking hold of rock on rock

And climbing to the heights,
The mountaineer will climb by day
And through the darkest nights.

For had the mountaineer gave up,

No mountaineer was there.
For every mountaineer climbs on
Through ease and defeat’s glare.

It’s Okay to Cry

Once upon a time..

There was a joyous night:
A night filled with many tears,
Largely from one young man.

This night marked a season’s end,
Yet also marked a season’s beginning.
It was the culmination of nine weeks:
A look back and a look forward alike.

This young man had promised himself, “No tears.”
He had promised all of his close friends, “No tears.”
He had laughed his way through highschool graduation,
So really, why would he ever cry over this graduation?

But as a backstory, he had always been ashamed of his tears.
He had grown up with a disposition to cry over good reasons,
Yet those good reasons had a way of striking fear into him:
Fear that his tears were an offense and travesty to behold.

None the less, on this final, concluding night, names were given,
And all his close friends were likened unto brave heroes of the past.
So after spending nine weeks with such men, being given so accurate names,
“What name could possibly be given to someone like.. uh, me? Seriously!”

Yet strangely, being likened unto a weeping prophet somehow clicked;
As if his prayer closet got a tip of the hat and a secret hand shake.
Meanwhile, all of heaven smiled as he burst into excessive tears.
Because his Father, after all those years, gently whispered,

“My son, it’s okay to cry..”

19 Resolutions

Resolved, no down time.

Resolved, turn first to prayer, then God’s Word, then man.

Resolved, reason from the heavenlies.

Resolved, hold God higher than sleep.

Resolved, seek out the good in others, let God deal with the bad.

Resolved, rejoice in good and bad situations alike.

Resolved, serve all as I would Jesus.

Resolved, in trials, thank God always for the gift of trials.

Resolved, whenever I sit down, thank Jesus for Him living in me.

Resolved, whenever I stand up, thank Jesus for me living in Him.

Resolved, live each moment as if my life was judged by that moment alone.

Resolved, pray as though all of heaven and hell hangs in the balance.

Resolved, read God’s Word as though all of heaven and hell hangs in the balance.

Resolved, live as though all of heaven and hell hangs in the balance.

Resolved, recognize that all of heaven and hell actually hangs in the balance.

Resolved, if I should fall into a sin, move forward as though experience is irrelevant.

Resolved, never trust what I would normally say, only trust what Jesus is saying.

Resolved, look to Jesus the moment I wake up.

Resolved, look to Jesus till the moment I fall asleep.