All is Yours, All is Well

God, my dreams are wholly Yours.
My future is not mine.
My hopes and fears with all my tears
Are Yours as well, not mine.

God, my laugh is wholly Yours.
My smile is not my own.
My teeth and tongue, while I’m still young
Are Yours and not my own.

God, my past is wholly Yours:
My jumps and falls and more.
My highs and lows with the hard blows
Are Yours then much more.

God, it’s true this world is Yours.
My world is Yours as well.
My past, my now, my fate, and brow
Are Yours, so all is well.

A Prayer

God, you remember this journal! You remember all of those wonderful things which You posted through me. You remember the words that were shared and the heart that was poured out! You remember it all much better than I do.

Make this journal a public testament to Your grace. Remake and reboot this according to what You are doing in my life. I pray that the world would see nothing short of Jesus Christ and Him crucified. May they see what is possible if we lay our lives before You and let You call all the shots.

Give me poems that I never thought I could conjure…
Give me stories that reflect the dreams I’ve forgotten…
Give me music that I thought had altogether left my veins…
Give me testimonials that drop jaws and reveal Your power…

May the overflow of my heart encourage others in their travels as well.

Thank You, Lord.

Amen.

Face-planting a Garden

Proverbs 24:16, “For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief.”

My RA told me a few weeks ago,

“In the Hebrew language, the number seven is symbolically the number of completion. So when Proverbs 24:16 says a just man falls seven times and gets up again, It’s saying that even though a just man completely and utterly fails beyond all hope, he’ll still get back up.”


The summer is beginning to come to a close, and this has caused me to take inventory of everything that has occurred this summer and come to conclusions. So then the question hanging is, “What conclusions have I come to?” Well, that’s why I’m sitting on my dorm room bed on a Saturday afternoon, typing about life.

Summed up: I fell a lot! I mean… it’s almost comical (hence the title of this post).

But instead of going in depth on all of my failures, I would like to focus on Jesus.

I can honestly say that I never quit spending time with Him. I have learned that of all the disciplines in life that must be kept up no matter what, it’s time with God. If that slips, everything slips. That being said, in everything that happened over the summer, God always had ammunition to keep me keeping on.

God was faithful all the way through, and no matter how badly I face-planted life, His Word always reminded me, “Don’t give up! There is hope in Me!” And even when I was down in the mud, He continuously reminded me that He answers prayer, both big prayers as well as small prayers.

Hindsight is always hilarious because you can sometimes see God’s sense of humor a whole lot better when you’re not being dragged through the dirt on the back of a metaphorical four-wheeler. God knows exactly what we need and when we need it, and He’ll do whatever it takes to do what’s best for us because He loves us. And in the context of everything that He has done for us, you can’t help but laugh at the situations He’s brought along in our lives.


It’s true. This summer I face-planted a garden. But I find it a very beautiful garden if you ask me. It smells of God’s grace and portrays His love. I look back and laugh because He knew that I needed this summer to show me many things about myself as well as other people. How that will come into play in the future, I don’t know, but I do look forward to seeing Jesus prove Himself more and more faithful with each passing day.

Fare Thee Well

Simply put, I will not have time to post as I finish up this college semester, and I will not have time to post this summer as I will be traveling on a summer drama team. These things being said, what will I write about considering this will be my final post for maybe four months?

I will write about Jesus.


One of the most basic facts about the Word of God is that it reveals His love. Jesus Christ and Him crucified is the centerpiece of all Scripture. Why His crucifixion? Because it sets the context of His love! He loved us such much that the Father sent His only begotten Son to bear His wrath towards our sin! He loves you, and He loves me. It’s simple, but it’s true. Yet somehow, this is something that I have struggled with..

I am never good enough! I am never smart enough! I am never disciplined enough! I could have done this more excellent! I could have said that more plain! I could have been more kind! I could love Jesus more! I must sacrifice more!

I am a child of God, and Jesus Christ, as weird as it is to say, is my spiritual brother. Therefore, Christ’s Father is my Father. He has given me commands on how to live my life, beginning with, “Love Me with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength!” Honestly, that’s a hefty command, and without obeying that command first, none of the other commandments will follow. Yet because I have fallen short..

God, I am a failure!

It’s sad as I type that, because even though that statement reflects my heart before God worked in my life, I am still tempted to believe it. Here’s the thing, this is why we must understand that everything in life comes back to Jesus and His Word! Why?! Because our success is not determined by our track record, but by Jesus’ track record! We will all fail time and time again! We will all fall short! Yet every day when the Father looks at us, He sees the righteousness of His Son!


This is the beauty of the Christian life: we do not obey to earn the Father’s approval; we obey because Christ has earned the Father’s approval. We may be chastened, but we will never be destroyed. We may be rebuked, but we will never be cast away! We may fall, but we will never be forced to stay down!

Yes, we will all stand before the judgement throne and everything we have ever said or done will be brought into account, but as my track record is listed off, my eyes will be fixed on the scars in my Lord’s wrists.

This is why we must strive every day to pursue God with complete abandon! Christ is worthy! He deserves it! The most incredible fact is that He doesn’t force us! He let’s us! He woos us! He longs for us! And when we trip and stumble when running after Him, we will not be remembered by our trips and falls!


I was dying in the prayer closet around a week ago, arguing that statement with God, “I am a failure!” “No, you are not.” “Hah! Yeah, right! Remember my laziness this past week?! Remember that comment I said?! Remember that person I neglected?! Tell me how I am not a failure!” Instantly a picture came to my mind of Jesus showing me the holes in His hands were nails went through. “This is why you are not a failure..”


I have one desire for these next four months: more of Jesus. In spite of how weird C. J. Murray is, Jesus is faithful. I am thankful for my Lord and Savior. I can never love Him too much, and when my love for Him falls short, His love for me never falls short.

What a wonderful thought!

Fare thee well, all.

Ramblings and Prayer Requests

I have a real problem: showing up to the mall not knowing what I am going to write about.

Honestly, I’ve never been busier in my entire life. Within the past week and a half, I have had to memorize an entire play script (a thirty-minute play; I have the lead role). I was recently informed that I will be traveling the entire summer with the PCC Proclaim Summer Drama Team, so I am currently memorizing multiple songs and drama pieces. I have an Accounting project to chip away at. I have a research paper to finalize. I have speeches to work on.

It’s mind melting, and yet.. every day has been so wonderful with Jesus. I suppose I can’t really hit any main point with this blog post, but every day with Jesus is sweeter than the last. His Word is so comforting, empowering, and convicting. I do, however, wish for more time for closet prayer.


It saddens to think that many Christians neglect the closet prayer. I miss it so badly. I have been so busy, meanwhile recovering from a cold, and waking up at 5:30 to pray is certainly not the most beneficial to overcome sickness. Closet prayer is so much more than “ditching friends to pray” or “losing sleep to pray.” It’s drawing near to the God of the universe in a very intimate and necessary way to bring His will to earth.

If it weren’t for communing with God in the prayer closet, I’d be robbed of so many things in my life at this very moment. Every day God seems to be answering small prayers. My days seem to be filled with divine appointments and needed conversations. My peace is the result of prayer. My strength is the result of prayer. My wisdom and diligence is the result of prayer. Why prayer? Prayer connects me to Jesus Christ and brings His will to earth. Without prayer, His will does not and will not come to earth.


It was around four or five days ago that I had a complete meltdown: mentally, emotionally, spiritually… I went to the prayer closet, fought it through, went out to my friends to work on homework, and then everything blew up all over again. I bring up this instance to say that spiritual warfare has become more real than ever before. As a friend worded it to me, “The enemy has a target on your back.” That night, there was about four to five hours of wrestling before God finally came through with the already won victory.

One of the things that God has taught me is that I need not be ashamed of my spiritual struggle. My spiritual struggle is the result of sprinting forward as hard as I possibly can in the power of Jesus Christ. “What weight can I set aside?” “What barrier can be broken down?” “What area of my life has yet to be surrendered to Jesus Christ?” And as a result, everywhere I turn seems to be riddled with pain. Though it’s easy to be discouraged by said pain, as a friend told me,

Don’t you know that Jacob had to wrestle all night with Jesus Christ before He could get the blessing? He said, “I will not let thee go except thou bless me!” Do not let God go! Keep on struggling! Keep on wrestling! His Word is true and He will not let you down!


It all comes back to simply this: “Love God and keep His commandments.” It’s saying, “Jesus, how can I love you more and obey your commandments?” Isn’t it lovely how simple the Christian life is?

And now that I think about it, within the past week and a half, God has taken away an enormous amount of pain. He has answered prayer in many ways within a specific area of my life, and as I have followed Him, He has led me further into His love and led me out of flames which I had been led through for so long.

The problem is that I feel like I’m walking on thin ice. I need prayer and badly. It has been remarkable just how many friends have been commenting to me how much they are praying for me. I, in turn, have been doing my very best in praying for all of my friends and family as well. I desperately need God’s guidance and am seeking Him more than ever.


None the less, let it be known that as always, I trust my God. He knows what He is doing. As for me, I really need to work on Accounting. I understand the subject, but application! I need to apply myself! That is my current plight. It is very difficult to work very hard on what I am not passionate about. I long for a passion for Accounting, but I seem to be drowning. I need prayer for that as well.

Thank you all so much.

God will work.

Amen.